B turns 14 this year. He has had to deal with having a disabled older brother his whole life. While S has always been a very supportive part of K’s life, B has remained indifferent towards him. I always chalk it up to the age difference, in more ways than one. K is 4 years older than B, but acts like he is much younger. I have told B on many occasions that he has to take on a “big brother” role with K. I don’t think he really understands what that entails. S started watching K on his own when he was 14 but I don’t think I can expect the same with B. His ADHD makes it hard for me to leave them alone together, as I am never sure if B is actually watching him. He gets distracted so easily and I need his mind to be on K. I always feel like this is unfair to him. He has always felt that K gets all the attention and no matter how hard I try to explain about K’s disability B never seems to understand.
Sometimes if K is fighting with me, B will come to my rescue, but he will slap K away. I don’t know if this is a good or bad thing. It stops K from hurting me, but I don’t want B to take on a “bully” role with him. At 14, B is already 6 ft 3 in and can be very intimidating. K must think so, because his interactions with B are next to nothing.
I can only imagine how tough it is for B. I try to do something special with him when K is at respite, and hopefully that will start again soon. B looks forward to this time because he is the center of attention for a week. He gets what he wants for dinner, we go to the movies, whatever he wants to do. That’s the only thing I can do for him right now.
I would love some feedback about other siblings and how they deal with having a disabled brother or sister.